I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
