Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
