So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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