We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
