According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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