She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
