i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
