so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
