you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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