Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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