we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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