he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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