I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You're like the curious george of whores
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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