I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
