Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
