this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
