just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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