Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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