They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
