I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
