she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
