clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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