I wanna bring you to show and tell
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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