last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I puked a lego.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
