BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
BRING THE BAGELS
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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