Will you blow on my dice?
Your dad touched me again.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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