hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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