my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
