Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
