Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
