My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
