My nipple is on Facebook.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
