Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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