Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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