just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
