My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
