Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
