dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
