I CAN MOONWALK!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
