dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
