I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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