this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
