Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
