thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
