I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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