Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
