I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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