Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
