So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
