It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
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we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
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Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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