Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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