Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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