I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
