my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
