I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
