This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
