we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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