My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
