We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
