You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
