I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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