he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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