Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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