you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
