You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
