I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
