I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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