I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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